Dear Galena
This is the last night before I go back to work and take you to daycare. I am very emotional. Every time I think that I will be OK, I think about it more and start crying. It is sweet because you have seen me cry and you can see that you understand that something is different with me. And I might be crazy, but it looks like you try to cheer me up with your smiles. And you do. J
But tomorrow may be different. I have to keep telling myself that is better for you. You will have friends and I LOVE that. That is the one thing that I don’t like about people that don’t send their kids to daycare – they don’t get to socialize as much. And we love the daycare, so I feel really good about that. You will see someday – it is SO HARD to decide on a place and people to leave the most important thing in your life with. But I’ve been in a number of times and feel really good about Stephanie and Tamara. And it just looks like a fun place for you. So every time I cry tomorrow (and I’m sure for days after it), I will tell myself this is better for you. And that you will really only be awake a few hours with them before I get to come and get you! And we’ll be walking home together and snuggling and spending good time together still. The doctor told me today that it will be really important for me to take the weekends to snuggle you in bed and just lie together and nurse all day. Sounds good to me.
But tomorrow may be different. I have to keep telling myself that is better for you. You will have friends and I LOVE that. That is the one thing that I don’t like about people that don’t send their kids to daycare – they don’t get to socialize as much. And we love the daycare, so I feel really good about that. You will see someday – it is SO HARD to decide on a place and people to leave the most important thing in your life with. But I’ve been in a number of times and feel really good about Stephanie and Tamara. And it just looks like a fun place for you. So every time I cry tomorrow (and I’m sure for days after it), I will tell myself this is better for you. And that you will really only be awake a few hours with them before I get to come and get you! And we’ll be walking home together and snuggling and spending good time together still. The doctor told me today that it will be really important for me to take the weekends to snuggle you in bed and just lie together and nurse all day. Sounds good to me.
I guess what I would like to remember and to tell you about in the future, is to really thank you. It may seem silly because you won't remember any of this, but this has been the best four months of my life. I know they will continue to get better as we watch you grow and develop even more, but it's hard to believe. This time with you has been so special and even more important to me than I would have thought. Thank you for the wonderful baby you've been, the amazing person that you are going to become, and hopefully the wonderful friend that you will want to be to me someday (I have to be the mom for a while, but eventually we get to have fun and be friends). I love you with all of my heart.
Every night I sing you, “All My Loving” by the Beatles before going to sleep, but tonight the words hit a special chord. “Close your eyes and I’ll kiss you… Tomorrow I’ll miss you…” The words have never been truer. Here’s to a good night sleep (yeah right) and even more importantly, a mentally stable tomorrow. I’m sure I’ll need to keep that Kleenex near me all day.
Love you heaps,
Mama
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
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